Blog as Therapy

Ok, to give my readers a voyeuristic view into my non-existent love life, I mentioned in an earlier entry that “my personal life is looking very much up” (nice English, I must say). Well, it’s now in the pits again. Let me explain it all, and then send me comments.

So, as I mentioned in a couple of entries, I have (had? can’t make up my mind yet) a crush on this guy. Well, it started with me just batting my eyelashes when ever I ran into him in town, and making sly banter. He always seemed pleased to see me when ever we saw each other.

Then at the beginning of June, I had to go on a mini-break ( I need to get off the island before I went crazy) so I hopped on the ferry for a 10-hour ferry trip to the nearest “city” for a weekend. On the way back (another 10 hour overnight voyage), my crush was on the ferry. I made him sit with me, and he talked to me for hours telling me stories of his trip to France last year, local legends and his daughter (who is half our age .... hmm). It was all very nice. The night ended with me going “to bed” on a reclining chair. When I woke up the next morning, he was sleeping behind me on the floor all curled up in a ball. I was awake, so I took my blanket and draped it over him. He mumbled to me that I was sweet for taking care of him, and went back to sleep. When we arrived back home, I gave him my number.

People had seen us on the ferry hanging out, so the next week I got harassed by various community members about him (a kid screaming across the playground that she knew I was dating her uncle, an elder in the school pointing out to me that she is his ‘Nan, some stranger in the store asking me where my fella was, etc).

And he didn’t call ... and I was disappointed. Except he did call!!! My stupid, $#%*ing internet is a giant piece of $h!t and sometimes I’m so desperate to get online, I use dial-up. The one time I used it, he happened to call. How do I know? Because the next time he called (when I wasn’t home, grrr), 2 weeks later, he mentioned (on my machine) that the last time he called, my phone just rang and rang (where my answering machine would pick up when I’m not home).

Anyway, I called him back to invite him to my birthday party, which, by the way, was a bit of a bomb because the guy I was throwing it with did some stupid shit the week before so a lot of my friends didn’t feel comfortable coming to our party. Anyway, my crush came to the “party” and I think we really hit it off. We have a lot of similar values, etc. The best part was when he asked if he could be my date to grad (Grade 12 grad here is really big). I was excited about that. And I was totally stoked that he gave me a giant hug and kissed my cheek as he was leaving at 3 in the morning!

The things started to go down hill. We arranged to meet at my house and we’d go to grad together. He was late, like 15 minutes late. I had to get going to help out, so I left and put a note on my door. He showed up to the hall, like half an hour later than when I arrived there and didn’t mention being late or getting my note. I looked hot and he didn’t compliment me either. Hmmf!

So it was kinda boring, he tried to spice it up by telling me how the grads were related to various community members. He even told me some colorful stories of his grad ceremony. Anyway, we sat at one of the teacher’s tables (because I’m a teacher after all) and being such, we got the short end of the stick in the food department as the catering ran out of food. So we got more of a snack then a meal. So halfway through the ceremony, my crush leans over and tells me he’s going to get some food. An hour later, he comes back. He’d gone to the restaurant and had pizza with some friends of his. That’s just a bit weird to me! So grad ends and there was gonna be a dance an hour later. I don’t know if I really want to go and he says he’s going to go and I should too and save him a dance. So I do and he never shows.

So the next day, I call and leave a message that he should call me before I leave in a week for vacation. He doesn’t call. I was a bit disappointed. So like 5 days later, my co-worker who’s leaving the community wants to see the memorial pole that my crush is carving but doesn’t know where it is. I end up taking my co-worker. So I mention to my crush, again, that I’d love to chat before I leave. He mentions that he meant to call me all this time, but he’s been to busy. Hmm, to me, that’s guy code that he’s just not that into me. I mean, come on, it takes like 2 minutes to pick up the phone and wish me a good vacation.

So that night, I end up going to dinner with a bunch of co-workers and they kinda bring it up all sly like, since they saw us at grad together and have heard the local gossip. I told them that it is going nowhere since he’s told me he’s “too busy to call” and that I hadn’t really talked to him since grad. They then try to convince me that things are different here and the fact that he was seen at such an event with him meant he really liked me. Meanwhile, all my city friends are telling me to forget about him, and that I deserve to be pursued and should not give him another thought unless he’s willing to win me.

Now, I’m super confused because I’ve never really dated dated before. Sure, I went out with my first boyfriend for almost 3 years, then asshole for another 5, then Brilliant, but those were different. The first two were more than happy to go out with me without much effort and I didn’t even like Brilliant before we hooked up.

So. my last night in town rolls around, and I end up getting drunk and going to the local bar with some co-workers where I drink even more. I’m very well behaved drunk, I just shut down so that I stay well behaved. Anyway, guess who shows at the bar? My crush of course!!! I ended up chatting with him and then I sat at his table and we were chatting and holding hands. At one point he told me that he finds it hard to talk about matter of the heart but that he thinks I’m a beautiful person. Awww ... right?!?

So he ends up walking me home (which was me inadvertently taking off without my friends ... opps!). EVERYONE from the bar saw this happen and we got quite a few catcalls as we turned up my street. But he was a gentleman and we hugged a bunch on my door step and we shared a couple of check kisses and one lip peck (wow, can I give every little detail?!?). He asked me to call him over the summer. I said I would (I agree to almost anything when I’m drunk). I paid for that night by barfing all the next day and then flying on three planes to my sister’s house (and combining the two activities together).

So after two weeks or so of vacation, now super duper confused about the whole thing, I decided that I would not call since he was away working at camp all summer and would only be home for like 24 hours every weekend. Instead, I wrote a witty letter about my vacation so far and told him 4 different ways he could get a hold of me over the summer, if he wanted to. And he never did.

So now, I’m at home reflecting about the whole thing. Today is the day he gets home from camp permanently. He knows I’m home because I mentioned it in the letter and I’ve already ran into the majority of his family since I’ve been back. So my question to you is: What should I do if he finally decides to call?