Ode to Brilliant

The song running through my head

It’s 3 a.m. I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about home and about being alone.

I keep thinking about Brilliant.

I have this song (the one that the link leads to) perpetually running through my head. It’s called 2 a.m. It’s about someone lying in bed thinking about their lover. A friend of mine was kind enough to let me post the song on their website. Thanks, Leanne!

I keep thinking about all the good times Brilliant and I had. Our relationship was so different than any I’ve even had because it didn’t end in a difficult break-up … it just ended (or did it?) because I left for this job. We never have a fight. We had a “heated” discussion once, but we dropped it. The only time I can think where I acted badly was the day before I left. I think I was trying to distance myself emotionally so I would be able to leave the next day without incident. All I really know about that day was that I feel like I was being a brat.

I kept telling myself that while we were seeing each other, that if we were really dating, I would have ended it before I left. But would I have? Would we still be together if I hadn’t left? Am I thinking about all this because I genuinely miss him or because I’m just lonely?

I keep thinking of all the good times. Sitting on the bar patio sipping a drink and just enjoying the sunny afternoon. Sitting and eating a wrap and then going for coffee. Catching his eye and then him grinning and giggling (well, not giggling, but the way guys kinda chuckle). Watching TV and having him fall asleep on my lap. Making out in my room (because his room was beyond a disaster). Waking up from a bad dream and having someone peacefully sleeping beside me. Holding hands in bed and discussing our lives and futures. Cooking breakfast in the dorm kitchen and chatting with the girls on my floor. The morning that we became friends instead of just “friends”. And of course all the sex. Ugg, Is this night ever going to end? My mind is going.

Ok, I’m gonna think of all the bad times. Getting elbowed in the head a couple of times while I was sleeping. Him telling about how he half tried to kill me in my sleep by squeezing me to death and then him fully waking up when I had a terrified look on my face (I don’t remember any of that). Him being drunk out of his mind one night and storming into my room looking for his wallet … and then him going off for some debauchery and getting his buddy arrested for drunk driving. Ok, these aren’t too bad.

Ok, I think I’m tired now, so I’ll go count some sheep … or bunnies with soft fur ;)



P.S. I was so tired that I didn’t actually post the blog until the next morning.