This blog is for me
I’m torn about this blogging thing. Part of my motivation for it was so that I could keep all my friends and family updated on my life without having to write 5o million emails that say the same thing.
I also wanted to jot down some of my thoughts down, like a diary, but also wanting to share it with others. And because others are reading it, especially people I know, I feel I censor myself. For instance, there are several thoughts I had today that I wanted to jot down but haven’t because there are certain people I don’t want to read them. And each thought was censored for a different person. As I type this up, I feel a bit angry with this realization. My core being thinks censoring is usually stupid. I don’t want to feel this anger.
Another thing about expressing yourself in this type of forum is that you can choose what to say and you usually only write things that make you look good. It's like dating someone (or so I've heard because I am truly myself right off the bat). The first three months is making the person think you are the type of person they want you to be, the next three month is them getting to know the real you, and the last three months is them getting to hate the real you. Well, I don't play that way so I'm not going to play that way on my blog. You get all of me: the good, the bad, and the insane.
Edit
Keya has given me some good advice in the past. She said not to think about these things so much. I should take her advice.
I also wanted to jot down some of my thoughts down, like a diary, but also wanting to share it with others. And because others are reading it, especially people I know, I feel I censor myself. For instance, there are several thoughts I had today that I wanted to jot down but haven’t because there are certain people I don’t want to read them. And each thought was censored for a different person. As I type this up, I feel a bit angry with this realization. My core being thinks censoring is usually stupid. I don’t want to feel this anger.
Another thing about expressing yourself in this type of forum is that you can choose what to say and you usually only write things that make you look good. It's like dating someone (or so I've heard because I am truly myself right off the bat). The first three months is making the person think you are the type of person they want you to be, the next three month is them getting to know the real you, and the last three months is them getting to hate the real you. Well, I don't play that way so I'm not going to play that way on my blog. You get all of me: the good, the bad, and the insane.
Edit
Keya has given me some good advice in the past. She said not to think about these things so much. I should take her advice.
posted by Small Town Teacher @ 8:00 PM
3 Comments:
At September 23, 2006 11:42 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm so proud of you for being so honest. I hope you had some catharsis from all of this.
At September 24, 2006 9:33 AM,
Small Town Teacher said…
Well, a good night's sleep made me less couragous and I deleted most of it, so if you get the edited version, sorry, but not really.
At September 29, 2006 4:34 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well, I got the edited version. But I think you've perfectly described the conundrum of the blogger. Yes, you start the blog as a place to unload, a place to process and a place to inform. Then you have to realize at some point that some of the stuff you have to say "is not suitable for all audiences." So self-censorship becomes part of the equation. This is precisely the reason I haven't started a blog.
Anyhow, putting the clues together from this entry and the previous one, I'd have to say that someone in your life has proved to be an untrue friend. A pox on him/her!!
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