I fucked up
Big time. It was yesterday. Well, it seems big but I'm sure it will blow over. Let's start from the good part.
"Did you tell Stan that I said he looked like a girl?" One of my colleagues asked me while I was innocently marking some math projects. My colleague was PISSED OFF. When someone is that mad, I say as little as possible.
"No" I said. Which is technically true but ...
"Well, he told me you did and that is so not cool. I told you that in confidence. I can't believe you would tell him that. It was very embarrassing. Of course, I couldn't lie to him because I don't lie to students. Thanks a lot." Oh shit, she's waiting for me to say something. Anything I say will not be good. Lying is out of the question because I hate to lie and I'm bad at it.
"I'm sorry he thinks that is what I said."
She left because she was teaching and because she was pissed.
Of course, I felt like a giant pile of shit. Here's what happened.
"Miss Small Town? When you first met me did you think I was a girl?" Stan asked me.
To be honest, when I first met Stan, it was during introductions and he said his name was Stan and that's a boy's name. So he's always been a boy in my head. But to his credit (or to the credit of the question) he does look a little feminine because he has shoulder length, beautiful hair, he bats his eye at everyone a lot and he wear makeup. He's also quite "Goth" so most Goths looks fairly androgynous.
I'm still on the DayQuil, so my mind is not all there. And it was Friday so I was a bit giddy. Plus, I was distracted because I was gathering some books for marking.
"No, Stan. I didn't."
"Do you think I look feminine?
"Stan, I think you are a handsome young man. But I was chatting with Ms. So-and-so and we both thought you had lovely hair that could be quite feminine." As I said this I was cursing to myself. Oh shit, I just implicated another teacher with hearsay to a student. This is like the number one no-no according to the teacher certification board. Oh shit!
"Ms. So-and-so thinks I look like a girl?" Stan accusingly asked. Double shit for me! She told me once that she did think he was a girl when she first saw him.
"No!" I practically scream.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"I can't believe she thought I was a girl. I'm going to tell her you said that." Stan told me. He didn't say it in a vicious way, because he's a super nice kid. Did I mention he is very chatty, and a little insecure about his looks.
I needed to cover my ass so I wouldn't get into trouble with the teacher. In hind sight, the best thing would have been to go to her right away to explain the situation. I didn't think of that at the time.
"Ms. So-and-so doesn't think you look like a girl. I was just kidding. Ok, it's time to work on that practice test now, Stan." Isn't that the lamest thing you ever heard? I can't believe I said something like that. By the end of the class, I had forgotten about the whole thing. Until I got my visit from the teacher.
About 20 minutes later, Stan came to my door.
"I told Ms. So-and-so that you said she said she thought I was a girl."
"Yes, I know you did." I was about to try to defend myself and remind him that I did not say that and I denied it when he asked, but there was no point. Plus, I didn't want to blow it out of proportion.
"Oh, and that Evanescent CD I'm going to burn you won't be ready until Monday, Miss Small Town .... " And he talked at me very quickly for the next three minutes. He didn't seem upset or anything so all was cool with him.
As for Ms. So-and-so. I had to tell her what really happened and apologize my ass off. I saw her in the hall after school and asked to talk to her. I asked how her day went and generally her day was shit. It wasn't just the Stan thing. That was just the icing on the cake.
I told her as I was saying the incriminating part, I knew I had just implicated her and I felt awful. I told her I was really sorry and I had wish I had handled it better and came to her first, and I explained that I did not tell Stan that I said she thought he was a girl. He came to that conclusion himself and I tried to deny it.
She seemed ok with my apology but we couldn't really discuss it because another student came by her room for help. I told her to stop by my place last night and we could discuss it more. She never did.
Here is the lesson. Never, EVER, tell a student about ANY conversation you had with another teacher. Be on high alert with what come out of your mouth when you are on DayQuil. And ALWAYS come clean with the teacher. I have no idea what would happen if I didn't apologize. I still have no idea what the fallout will be from this. I don't know if Ms. So-and-so will tell other not to trust me with "gossip".
We'll see and I'll keep you posted.
"Did you tell Stan that I said he looked like a girl?" One of my colleagues asked me while I was innocently marking some math projects. My colleague was PISSED OFF. When someone is that mad, I say as little as possible.
"No" I said. Which is technically true but ...
"Well, he told me you did and that is so not cool. I told you that in confidence. I can't believe you would tell him that. It was very embarrassing. Of course, I couldn't lie to him because I don't lie to students. Thanks a lot." Oh shit, she's waiting for me to say something. Anything I say will not be good. Lying is out of the question because I hate to lie and I'm bad at it.
"I'm sorry he thinks that is what I said."
She left because she was teaching and because she was pissed.
Of course, I felt like a giant pile of shit. Here's what happened.
"Miss Small Town? When you first met me did you think I was a girl?" Stan asked me.
To be honest, when I first met Stan, it was during introductions and he said his name was Stan and that's a boy's name. So he's always been a boy in my head. But to his credit (or to the credit of the question) he does look a little feminine because he has shoulder length, beautiful hair, he bats his eye at everyone a lot and he wear makeup. He's also quite "Goth" so most Goths looks fairly androgynous.
I'm still on the DayQuil, so my mind is not all there. And it was Friday so I was a bit giddy. Plus, I was distracted because I was gathering some books for marking.
"No, Stan. I didn't."
"Do you think I look feminine?
"Stan, I think you are a handsome young man. But I was chatting with Ms. So-and-so and we both thought you had lovely hair that could be quite feminine." As I said this I was cursing to myself. Oh shit, I just implicated another teacher with hearsay to a student. This is like the number one no-no according to the teacher certification board. Oh shit!
"Ms. So-and-so thinks I look like a girl?" Stan accusingly asked. Double shit for me! She told me once that she did think he was a girl when she first saw him.
"No!" I practically scream.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"I can't believe she thought I was a girl. I'm going to tell her you said that." Stan told me. He didn't say it in a vicious way, because he's a super nice kid. Did I mention he is very chatty, and a little insecure about his looks.
I needed to cover my ass so I wouldn't get into trouble with the teacher. In hind sight, the best thing would have been to go to her right away to explain the situation. I didn't think of that at the time.
"Ms. So-and-so doesn't think you look like a girl. I was just kidding. Ok, it's time to work on that practice test now, Stan." Isn't that the lamest thing you ever heard? I can't believe I said something like that. By the end of the class, I had forgotten about the whole thing. Until I got my visit from the teacher.
About 20 minutes later, Stan came to my door.
"I told Ms. So-and-so that you said she said she thought I was a girl."
"Yes, I know you did." I was about to try to defend myself and remind him that I did not say that and I denied it when he asked, but there was no point. Plus, I didn't want to blow it out of proportion.
"Oh, and that Evanescent CD I'm going to burn you won't be ready until Monday, Miss Small Town .... " And he talked at me very quickly for the next three minutes. He didn't seem upset or anything so all was cool with him.
As for Ms. So-and-so. I had to tell her what really happened and apologize my ass off. I saw her in the hall after school and asked to talk to her. I asked how her day went and generally her day was shit. It wasn't just the Stan thing. That was just the icing on the cake.
I told her as I was saying the incriminating part, I knew I had just implicated her and I felt awful. I told her I was really sorry and I had wish I had handled it better and came to her first, and I explained that I did not tell Stan that I said she thought he was a girl. He came to that conclusion himself and I tried to deny it.
She seemed ok with my apology but we couldn't really discuss it because another student came by her room for help. I told her to stop by my place last night and we could discuss it more. She never did.
Here is the lesson. Never, EVER, tell a student about ANY conversation you had with another teacher. Be on high alert with what come out of your mouth when you are on DayQuil. And ALWAYS come clean with the teacher. I have no idea what would happen if I didn't apologize. I still have no idea what the fallout will be from this. I don't know if Ms. So-and-so will tell other not to trust me with "gossip".
We'll see and I'll keep you posted.
posted by Small Town Teacher @ 5:10 PM
2 Comments:
At September 30, 2006 6:20 PM,
Small Town Teacher said…
I used google image to find my "pile of shit" graphic and the strangest stuff came up, like pictures of George Bush and a recipe for brownies and a picture of Matthew McConaughey.
At October 06, 2006 9:43 AM,
Anonymous said…
Cutesie pie little innocent Stan is a big time shit disturber! Think about it: he's screaming for attention with all the work he puts into his appearance. He probably has a lot of...er...social issues, and being an intelligent child, he's learned the best defense is a good offense. He's learned to effectively sniff out victims for his twisted little games...as a new teacher you're a handy target. It sounds like he's been cultivating your attention right from the get-go, being your buddy by offering to burn a CD for you.
You've learned part of the lesson, my dear. The painful part where you had your professionalism with regard to another teacher compromised. Please learn the rest of the lesson: Stan might be young, but he's an accomplished manipulator and shit-disturber. Kid gloves and distance!
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